Remember back in the day on Melrose Place when lovely Jane would always go back to evil Michael Mancini? You´d sit and shout “don´t do it Jane!” at the tv, but there she´d go. It seems Balthazar Getty aka The Douche, has married his very own Jane, his wife Rosetta Millington. Even though he has betrayed her on the frontpage of every gossip rag with Sienna Miller, the pair were spotted together again looking very much a couple!

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They´ve got to be kidding! One of the world´s most hated couples seems to be giving it yet another try! Last summer, Balthazar Getty and Sienna Miller made headlines when Getty left his wife, and mother of his gaggle of children, for Sienna and the two very publicly made out for a couple of months. Sienna pranced around topless and Balthazar was all over her, all of the time, way before his wife ever knew he was leaving her. Yep, that´s what earned him the monnicker “The Douchebag” and it suits him.

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Then the pair apparently broke up, hooked up again til everyone got bored. And now they´re back on again. Wonder how long it´ll be this time. You think Sienna is pregnant?

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Some might argue that there have been enough  Robin Hood versions to last us through the next millennium. Then again, it´s a good story, so who cares? I´m sure there´s a Pride & Prejudice waiting to be made. Perhaps with talking dogs this time? Now that would be refreshing…

Anyway, Russell Crowe is shoving his ample girth into a pair of tights, with the ever lovely Cate Blanchett by his side as Maid Marian. Still, I couldn´t help thinking back to last year when Sienna Miller was reportedly dropped from a Russell Crowe production for being too thin. Or rather, for making chubmeister Crowe look fat!

Recent pictures show the gladiator star as a fat, old hairy dude. As Cate is not exactly a tub of lard, I guess Russell will be hitting the gym! Still, maybe they should just do us all a favor and cast yummy Gerard Butler as Robin? Now there´s someone I´d love to see in tights!

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As an episode, Lost and found was pretty ok. Kitty talks about her marital problems to Time magazine and later finds out someone (guess who) has killed the story. Nora goes up to Berkely to visit Ryan and answer some of his questions. Rebecca goes to New York to find her real dad, David. Holly gets suspicious of the business deal with the new vineyard.

I like Ryan, especially since he could still turn out evil. Nora grovelled a bit too much: it´s hardly her fault her hubby couldn´t stop chasing skirt. Though she might´ve divorced him, but that wouldn´t miraculously have meant that William and Ryan´s mom would have lived happily ever after. Actually, the guy who raised Ryan looked like a decent guy, so he can count himself lucky! And he may get a chunk of the Walker pie.

Kitty should totally dump Robert. He´s no good and he never will be and she will be raising that kid on her own. Maybe they can make a deal, where she holds off on divorcing him til she has legally adopted and he can run for governor? I don´t think they´ll give that baby to a woman going through a divorce. Though Cuddy in House got one, no sweat, and she´s a single mom. Anyway, Holly found out about Tommy´s scam. How stupid is this guy that everyone with half a brain can figure out he´s trying to pull a not-so-fast one? And using the same trick his old dad used? Get some new material man! And how did he get his hands on that pension fund?

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Few Hollywood ladies have ever been kicked off a set for being too young, but Sienna Miller had just that happen to her on the set of the umptieth Robin Hood retelling Nottingham. Of course it could also be because she can’t act herself out of a paper bag, but so far the word is: too young to play Russell Crowe’s love interest. 

I’m glad there’s some attention being paid to waaaay too young girls playing opposite waaaaay too old geezers. There’s so many girls playing opposite guys who could easily have been their grandads and a lot of ‘older’ actresses (and we’re talking early forties!) can’t get any roles. 

That’s why I made a top 6 of the worst couple mismatches ever:

Number 1:

Firewall: Virginia Madsen vs Harrisson Ford
This movie was CRAP too begin with, but without any explanation, Virginia Madsen was a 42 year old knock out and Ford was a 66 year old, old timer, very unconvincingly fighting terrorists or whatever the hell they were in the crappy plot trying to steal a big chunk of change from a bank by kidnapping the security director’s ridiculously young family. 

Number 2: Entrapment. 

Sean Connery, born way back in 1930, gets Catherine Zeta Jones, born in Swansea in 1969, yes, that’s a whopping FORTY years later, to fall for him. Now I know that Sean’s cute an’ all, but puhlease! That’s just icky! Then again CZJ does like her men on the mature side, as she married Michael Douglas, who was born in 1944. 

3) A view to a kill

And while we’re on the subject of James Bond, Roger Moore, born in 1927 (!) (yes, Connery’s replacement was actually older! And had to wear a girdle in later films!) in his final Bond flic, got it on with Tanya Roberts (1955). When they kissed his neck looked like a turtle’s. Cradle snatcher. However, his other costar, Grace Jones, in real life has a husband who’s 28 years her junior.

4) 6 days, 7 nights
 Harrison Ford. Again. This time vs Anne Heche. Now this is one of the most unsympathetic films ever made and luckily won’t go down in history at all, but still: Ford is 27 years older than annoying -I’m gay, no, I’m not-Heche. 

5) In the line of fire
Great film, but the casting could have been done slightly more realistically! Clint Eastwood got it on with Renee Russo, 24 years his junior. Now Clint is a goodlooking hunk of a man, but it felt just a little off. If it had been the other way around, cougar lady getting it on with a guy 24 years her junior that would’ve been the main subject of the film. Now it’s presented as a completely natural love sideline. Aren’t there any eligible gals his own age??  

6) Autumn in New York

Sucked. Badly.
But the worst part was that Richard Tiffany Gere (I can never take Gere seriously ever since I found out his middle name is Tiffany. Poor bastard) vs Winona Horowitz, aka Winona -no really I paid for that lipstick-Ryder. Now, both these actors have had their fair share of ridicule: him for preferring gerbils to actual girls and her for shoplifting her way out of a career.   Yes, it was about an elderly playboy finally finding true love with a way too young dying girl, but still. It’s just creepy.

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The siblings are all trying to wiggle out of Thanksgiving but everybody’s afraid to tell their mom. Then baby Elizabeth suddenly gets ill and has to have a liver transplant. Only her biological father can be a donor. But who’s her daddy? Kevin or Justin?

Liked it! I’d kinda forgotten about the brother-being-the-sperm-donor-thingy. Cool. So if you don’t want to know who Lizzie’s dad is stop reading NOW!

Soooooo…. Kevin’s the dad. That must be so hard for Tommy! And Scotty! And Justin! Cute kid btw. And Balthazar Getty can actually act! I am not BG-fan, check out Seven worst celeb boyfriends but he looked the part of troubled father and I found myself oddly moved when he broke down. Excellent ep!

Lovely, loving scene between Kevin and Scotty in the hospital. Thumbs up!

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They are young, rich and beautiful, so why do they end up with such crappy men???? Here’s my list of girls who picked the WORST possible celebrity boyfriends, including Princess Diana, Posh Spice and, of course, Sienna Miller.

In at number 7:
Sienna Miller & Balthazar Getty
Apart from being a bad boyfriend, Balthazar Getty seems to be a plain bad human being. Balthy ran off with ultimate homewrecker Sienna Miller, leaving his wife and four (!) young children behind to be photographed, again and again, holding Sienna’s naked naughty bits in front of droves of reporters. Nice one. What a complete and utter tool!

6: Halle Berry & Eric Bennet
Berry’s ex Eric Bennet cheated on her, over and over. Imagine that. Cheating on Halle Berry?! You idiot! Didn’t you see that Bond movie? To top things off, Eric himself claims he ‘only cheated to save the marriage’. Soooo, how’s that working for ya?

5: Anne Hathaway & Raffaello Follieri
Thought she found amore with Italian millionaire hunk Raffaello Follieri. Alas, he turned out to be a fraudster, using a picture of himself and the pope(!) to get people to give him loads of cash. Bafflingly, it actually worked! Bad boy’s doing time and Anne insists she’s seeing a ’sexy man’. Better watch your wallet there, Anne!

Number 4
Britney Spears & Kfed
Ah. Brit. Poor, poor Brit. Married Kevin Federline, a guy who was in it for her fame and who somehow managed to come out looking like the more respectable parent of the two. Ai. That’s a bad, bad boyfriend.

Number 3

Scary Spice & Eddie Murphy
Scary Mel B. dated and quickly fell pregnant by the not so great Eddy Murphy. The Beverly Hills Cop denied point blank until a paternity test (how embarrassing!) proved Scary’d been right all along and he was the father of their daughter. He has still refused to even see the little girl. Jerk!

Number 2
Posh Spice, Victoria Beckham & Some Sad Loser
The sins of our youth will keep haunting us forever! Posh’ Ex boyfriend Corey Haim did a kiss-and-tell story on Posh, years and years after they split up. Now we all know Posh is a bad kisser….

Now that’s pretty bad, but I saved the best/worst for last!

Number 1

Lady Di & James Hewitt
Absolutely, undeniably, no contest, worst boyfriend ever: Di’s ex James Hewitt told the world in a documentary all about his affair with Lady Di. I guess at least he had the courtesy to say that she was a good lover. So I suppose Di has that small advantage over Posh. However, Hewitt then went on to sell her love letters to the highest bidder.

Ohmygod, what kind of a jerk does that? Well, a greedy one apparently. I hope there’s a special circle of hell for cads like this. There probably is….

At least Balthazar Getty gets his rocks off occasionally and is snapped in ridiculously compromising positions with playmate Sienna Miller. On-screen long suffering spouse Sarah Jane Morris on the other hand only gets to say lame lines such as “are you all right?”, “maybe you should talk to her” and “the baby is asleep”. Jeez, hardly a challenging role.So far all she’s done is sit around and cry. And their marriage isn’t of the exemplary kind, they were apart for what? A month? And they BOTH cheated?

I actually remember thinking during the pilot that the pretty blond girl had hardly any on-screen time and idly wondering whether that would ever change. It hasn’t, poor lass. So who is this Sarah Jane Morris (is it me or is her very name boring as well?).

Well, she was born in Memphis, Tennessee in 1977. Her father is called Walker Morris, which is a reasonably funny coincidence, as her character now is Julia Walker. It doesn’t get much more exciting though. Her dad’s a pilot, her mom’s a social worker, Sarah Jane got married to a guy named Ned and they have a dog called Floyd, she does yoga… Apparently (watch Jimmy Kimmel video) she steals used grease to use as bio-diesel. Yikes. That’s the most politically correct crime I’ve ever heard of!
Here’s the vid of Sarah Jane on Jimmy Kimmel:

Yup, if anyone’s leaving the show, it should so be her, because she is dull in real life as well! Couldn’t she have squeezed in a drug habit or an illegitimate child? Somewhere?Maybe Tommy could get together with Holly? Now that would cause a stir….

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